Let’s keep it real, the true work begins so much deeper than our physical appearance. Working in personal style and identity curation, I know that might come as a shock. But the true transformations do really come from the inside out.
Last month I was exploring the concept of the gaze and who we really dress for. It’s a really important topic and I see so many people online talking about it. But the biggest problem I find is that telling you to dress for yourself rather than for others is so much easier said than done. Especially when you have lived so much of your life pleasing others, trying to fit in and uphold unrealistic beauty standards, bending your identity to be palatable.
It’s not a switch you can just turn on and off. As a recovering people pleaser, ‘good girl’ and one to keep her mouth shut, I’ve realised how much of an upward battle it is to begin to reclaim your sense of self and how in doing so, only then can you begin to change your visual identity. Yes I’m a personal stylist, but my work goes so much deeper based on my own personal learnings and wanting to explore the depths of myself.
About a year or two ago someone told me that over the last ten years she thought that I hadn’t changed and I was still reserved and kept things to myself. That essentially, my lack of being able to open up was a problem. This was a huge trait of mine when I was younger, I’ll be the first to admit it. It stifled many relationships, most importantly the one with myself. But the comment had me questioning myself. It made me believe that this was the truth because its how someone else viewed me.
However, over the last few years I’ve worked on my own personal development so much and have really tried to understand more about who I am. And I know for a complete fact that I’m not that same person anymore. I no longer hold back from sharing, choosing instead to be open and vulnerable instead of closed and scared. But this person just couldn’t see it because they no longer knew who I was. There was too much of a disconnect. They didn’t know just how much I had changed and as a result we were just not aligned. What I didn’t like is how it made me question myself when deep down I know the truth.
And with those changes you’ll see me making these changes in my visual identity too, to match my inner work to my outer presence. The work I have done and continue to do, because it is never ending, involves finding out my real values, learning my likes and dislikes, connecting to my culture and finding people that align with my views. This has all contributed hugely to how I now express myself through my personal style. You just have to see the level of colour I wear now, something I rarely would have done in the past unless it was in an eastern outfit.
So yes, your visual identity is how you can show others who you are, and fully express yourself without words. But the inner work is where this path really begins. Because the ease of creative expression doesn’t come naturally to everyone, especially when you have been raised in a society that honours outdated systems such as patriarchy and over consumption.
Over the course of 2025 and in the last few months in particular there are a few things that I have been exploring about myself in order to connect my inner identity with my outer presence further. And I wanted to share some of those with you.
1. Getting To Know My Younger Self
For some people, myself included, this can feel quite triggering. It might feel scary to revisit the past you. There was recently a trend I saw on socials where people shared a picture of themselves hugging a younger version of themselves (hello scary AI) and I think something like this, when not done for social clout, probably does have a huge impact.
My memories of childhood feel really limited but by trying to connect back to the younger version of myself its helping me to really understand how I operate. Why I act in certain ways, why I used to be more reserved and scared to be vulnerable, why I am now doing the work I do. …
I’m still slowly and mindfully unravelling these memories but that connection is helping me to grow a greater strength in my sense of identity and how I am then dressing myself for both myself and for others to see who I am. It could be through an interesting play in colours or textures, or wearing silhouettes that bring nostalgic memories or combing my influences of east and west in order to preserve parts of me that I thought I was losing.
Do you have memories of the younger you and if so how has she changed over time?
2. Seeking Support
Support can look different to different people. I’ve tried lots of methods before. From one to one counselling to holistic approaches like reiki and soundhealing to movement such as yoga.
At the moment therapy and spiritual coaching are two tools I am exploring further. I have had therapy before and it has probably been the single best investment in my life. The clarity it has bought in understanding myself and my thought processes, behaviours and actions is why I am here now. Exploring this in a new way now has uncovered a new depth in how it can support me and I feel so lucky and grateful to be able to have it within my support system.
Spiritual coaching is something a little different. Over the last few years I’ve really been connecting back to my faith. But with spiritual work this adds a different layer of helping me me to find support within myself. To find a sense of safety and belonging in myself that no one else could ever give me. My turning to the support of my inner world, my soul, my ancestors that are guiding me. It’s really special work and has encouraged me to explore parts of myself that I was maybe shut off to before. I’m finding that by doing this I can shut out the outside noise a little bit more easily and so when it comes to my visual expression, I care a little less about what others think!
3. Exploring Creativity
Creativity in your style might not be your thing. You might prefer an activity, decorating your home or baking a cake. But exploring creativity in whatever format works for you can really change your ability to be creative through your personal style.
Over the last few months I’ve explored activities such as bollywood dance classes, crafting classes and decorating my new home in a way that feels true to me and my partner. It allowed me to learn new skills, play and have fun while doing so. Life can sometimes feel so serious and so connecting back to joy can then help us to express ourselves in a more natural and authentic way.
All of these things combined together are supporting me in understanding who I am, my real identity, so that I am then able to express myself visually. For some it may come more naturally, but for others all sorts of factors can affect how they show up. Their levels of self worth, their relationships with their body, the influence of society. So it’s not always easy to begin dressing for yourself when you’ve spent so long dressing for an identity that wasn’t yours.
I explore this and finding identity in so much more detail in my book which I hope will be out in 2026. Watch this space!
