Whose ‘Gaze’ are you Dressing For?
You might at first think it’s your own… that you dress for yourself and how you gaze at yourself in the mirror. But next time you get ready, really think about who or what it is that is influencing what you choose to wear. Could it be dressing for what your partner likes to gaze at or, maybe, it’s to impress the people in your friendship circle with the latest trends. So often I have found that people dress for others and not for themselves, when in fact the real key to unlocking your personal sense of style and connecting to your identity is to dress for what makes YOU feel your best and for your own personal gaze.
A client recently introduced me to the influencer Asta who wholly advocates for women unapologetically dressing for themselves. She challenges vocabulary such as ‘flattering’ and how the system of patriarchy has suppressed so much of our self expression. And her words and others like her have got me thinking about my own work. Much of my writing in my book (yes that’s a soft launch here, more to come about that another day), is about building the clarity around how we have been conditioned to dress for others. And how we can begin to connect back to our sense of identity and personal style and dress in a way that unashamedly expresses who we are.
Foundational Knowledge
And so over the course of the last few weeks I began to think about my approach to my clients. I still believe in the pillars of personal style that I use and that having the foundational knowledge is invaluable when it comes to learning about your sense of style. I know sometimes body types and shapes and fruits can feel dated, but they do provide a framework to understanding your body and how to dress it in a way that celebrates your unique shape. The same goes for colours. Colour analysis has blown up over the last few years and getting to know your colour season can give you the confidence to wear colour if you have ever felt unsure about it. And finally learning your unique style personality is really the crux of all of this. Who are you, what do you stand for and what lights you up. Getting to really know these foundational elements gives you the opportunity to begin to dress for the only gaze that matters, your own.
Changing your intentions and those ingrained habits, beliefs and behaviours that so often society has inflicted on us takes time, patience and a bit of creativity and experimentation! And so yes the shapes may feel annoying or learning about colours might feel restrictive, but actually they make you more empowered to make choices. Because for too long we’ve been living under the…
Male Gaze
Ahhh patriarchy! Yes it strikes again. When it comes to our very form of self expression, and that’s not just for women but for men themselves too, patriarchy again has a role to play.
The male gaze has for centuries been the dictatorship of how women dress. Highlighting curves, dressing to create ‘flattering’ body shapes or covering the body for a fear of too much male attention where they are unable to control themselves. The male gaze is often the primary consideration for women’s bodies. And on the flip side, this same system tells men how to dress too. The types of silhouettes they can and can’t wear, the objection of anything too ‘feminine’. These narratives have been suppressing our very form of self experssion.
I recently watched the Victoria Beckham documentary on Netflix and she shared how she had been weighed on TV, by a male presenter, just weeks after giving birth. It literally made my stomach turn, the thought of a woman at a vulnerable time in her life being judged like that for the sake of ‘entertainment’.
And this impact of patriarchy and the male gaze doesn’t stope there. It can often lead to women tearing each other down as a form of competition. We can often see this within the fashion industry as we are bombarded with new trends encouraging us to dress for what society expects of us in order to ‘fit in’. The drive of consumerism forces us to buy into aesthetics that may not always be true to how we wish to express ourselves.
And one final thought, the impact on the family gaze, again driven by these patriarchal systems, dictating what and how our girls should dress. When in all honesty they only gaze that matters is…
YOUR Gaze
You are the only person that really matters. Time and time again we are reminded of how we come into this world and leave this world on our own. People will come in and out of our life and yet we are our own true constant.
So how do you gaze upon yourself? How do you begin to really see the world and your body through your own eye. How do you begin to express yourself in your most authentic and true way?
My writing for my debut work answers all of this and more! Head over to IG where I’ll be sharing more about my writing journey. Or book in for a Style Discovery Call and lets talk about how you can begin dressing for your gaze. I’m only just beginning!
